university sidewalk

the lion pack traveling side

by side, though not evenly;

colliding shoulder to shoulder

territorial and instinctual.

trying to tame the manes

beneath logo-baring headgear,

hoping to hide soulful eyes

behind dark shades of plastic.

clothing loose to make up

for skin too tight, laughter

bouncing off cement and

rubber sneaker soles.

that musky scent of male

mingling with each individual

mixture of hopes and dreams

hits me in full force, leaving me

at a standstill long after the last

of you has passed me by.

for an old friend

i thought you saved my life that summer. it was the first time

for both of us. i was expecting fireworks and stars like the fourth of july.

instead, you showed me a new kind of peace, a calm not unlike

the stones at the bottom of a river. when i was afraid, you spoke softly,

reassuring me. when i cried out, you held me tighter, rocked me

as if my fragile living was everything to you. it took forever and afterwards

i cried like i was five years old again and you just kept me close to you.

then you told me you'd be leaving on the next train out. barely

said a word of goodbye. i suspect you wanted to keep things simple,

though god knows we'd gone too far for that. and still i admire your strength

to walk away without salvaging anything. you took things without knowing:

a girl's half-innocent heart, a night worth remembering that you would forget

in time. i held onto the hope that i would once again see your smile, kiss

your mouth full-on. twine my fingers with yours in an endless ring of truth.

but years and years of nothing wore me down until i could fall no further.

dirt from the bottom of my misery pit lodged itself beneath my

fingernails.

a man i'd never met asked me out for coffee. he had the kindest face.

he was nothing like you. slowly, he began to draw me out of myself and

my pain. i did not forget about you. i merely let you slip away, just as you

had released me so long ago. i told him everything and he listened in a way

i knew you never would. we made love as though the world would end in

the morning. you were the last thing on my mind. now i see you on tv,

in the magazines. front cover. centerfold. you made your mark on me

and the world, but neither of us belong to you. the words i wanted so badly

to say have faded with time, and only a select few remain. now is the time

to say these words, the words that were never properly spoken. the words

that haunted me every day since you left me standing on the platform

in the storm. goodbye, my former love. goodbye, the one who took so

much but not all of me. goodbye.

on a whim

we packed up what little was

left of this three-year relationship and

rattled out of town in your

junky old automobile.

i thought for sure those noises

meant we'd be stuck on the side

of the road in no time but you

smiled serenely and kept on driving.

this is why i love you, you

know, because you're calm even

when i'm freaking out beyond

belief and my hair starts to frizz.

even though the rope is

frayed and burns the palms

of our hands, we've got such

a good thing going and we're

not gonna stop for anyone.

when you go

when you walk out the door

this is who i will be:

the petal fallen from the once

powerful grip of the flower's

center.

bits of pollen still clinging

to you.

once you've brushed me off

and wept with me, just once

you will go forth in glory

(this is the you i know).

the seed of you that was

created with me

has slipped into something

of its own.

now it will be pushed

below the fresh dirt

(dirt i've never seen)

and it will flourish

as it did in my heart.

and when the sun

shines upon the trembling

earth you will rise up

and bloom and bloom and

become whatever you are

and have been

all along.

he smells of summer

and he tastes like fall,

washes his hands in winter's chill.

spring is his beauty; a robe draped

over the back of a naked chair.

his hands on my body:

soft as rain and powerful as thunder.

his voice chimes in my ear;

the sweetest sound! his gift, my curse.

darling sunshine baby,

gumdrop of my lovestruck eyes!

hold me like the sky

clings to each and every star.

julianna

she calls me quirky

sunshine lady

daydream princess.

we're best friends

but julianna is beautiful.

boys tell her

girls tell her

i tell her every day.

julianna, you are

the most beautiful girl

in the world.

she just laughs

shakes her head

puts her arm around me.

we're all beautiful

julianna tells me.

i almost believe her.